Spy Wine Cooler: Red

Spy Wine Cooler: Red

Brewer: Siam Winery Co Ltd

One of my friends in Australia was obsessed for a mercifully short period of time with creating a “lolly pie” by melting down lolly snakes (or Gummy snakes for my American readership) and then pouring the resulting lukewarm mash into a blind-baked pie crust. If I had intervened at some point and suggested pouring the hot candy sludge into a cheap 4 litre cask of red wine, the resulting candied wine beverage would be named Spy Red.

The initial nose of American grape jello with a hint of latex did not augur well. On tasting, the lightly carbonated faux-grape and raspberry syrup made me realize that if red Jelly Babies could urinate, I now know where they would. The 6% alcohol by volume is completely submersed under the weight of the sugar and synthetic additives.

The small label on the bottle is curiously informative, offering a practical recipe if you were keen replicate Spy Red in your own home:

Wine 50%
Sparkling Water 41%
Syrup 8.7%
Citric Acid 0.2%
Natural Flavours 0.1%

Location: Most larger drink stores, Cambodia-wide

Price: Unknown, unceremoniously dumped at my house after a barbecue.

If this wine cooler was preferred by an enslaved mythical race, it would be: Oompa Loompa

6 thoughts on “Spy Wine Cooler: Red”

  1. No, no, no.

    DO NOT under any circumstances drink this muck.

    One mouthful is enough to put a charging rhino into a diabetic coma.

    Yuck, I will drink 99% of the worlds beverages that contain alcohol, this swill falls into that very rare 1%

  2. If red Jelly Babies could urinate! I wish I’d said that. In fact, I think I will, over and over again until I can trick myself into believing that the line is mine. Gold, Phil!

  3. I found this posting after seeing your picture of Spy Red on flickr. When I saw that someone had named a beverage after me, I was thrilled. Then I read the review, and was sad. Still, I’d love to get my hands on some, just to have a few bottles around my office. If anyone knows how to get some in/to the U.S. please write to me. – Agent Red, OUT.

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